Since 2007, we’ve been treated (or subjected, if you like) to five Call of Duty titles, ranging from the very good to the extremely crap. Needless to say that with each game featuring an extensive multiplayer complete with dozens of maps to play on, there are bound to be some arenas that are of the highest quality and others that are downright abysmal. This post will explore the rubbish side to the map choices from those five games whilst a later post will be of the opposite side of the spectrum. I’ll start from number 15, aka the ‘least bad’ of the bunch and work my way up to number 1, which is as obviously bad as it sounds.
Oh, and by the way, the choices made in this post are entirely of my own opinion. You may agree or disagree with them, perhaps strongly, and I would be interested to hear from you in the comments if that is so.
15 – ESTATE (MODERN WARFARE 2)
From the outside, this map looks pretty decent; it has a tall mansion of sorts sitting atop a hill, providing vantage points over the hill beside it and of areas to the front and back. However, upon playing it, you begin to realize what it really is. The entire area to the bottom of the map is unnecessary, the house can be camped in to such a degree that breaking in and taking it over requires a whole team effort, which you’ll struggle to get when you’re surrounded by a bunch of chewbaccas who want to don their ghillie suits and sit in bushes, sniping the whole match. The people camping in the mansion can freely enjoy the comfort of their enclosed bedroom and even a nice small bathroom to place a tactical insertion in, y’know, in case they were actually killed and their diapers were left behind.
14 – CORROSION (WORLD AT WAR)
If you can easily find a map that’s more bland and unpleasing to the eye than this map, you deserve a gold crown for your troubles. The interiors all look the same and the map employs the use of claustrophobic tunnels to funnel you through as the enemies wait at the other side, blasting you with sniper fire, grenades and eventually a pack of ravenous hounds. Corrosion is not too big of a size but its unending blandness and refusal to look anything less than utter sh*t is what warrants such a position on this list.
13 – COUNTDOWN (CALL OF DUTY 4)
Call of Duty 4 is saturated with excellent map choices. In fact, it may have the most coherent selection of the games to date. Unfortunately, it is also home to some of the most abhorrently designed maps one can think of. Countdown is one of those maps. Its circumference is not far away from being a circle, with a few buildings dotted around the edges and small concrete slabs as cover in between them. The problem arises from not only how repetitive it looks but for how badly it plays for those who’d like to use something other than a sniper rifle or a noob tube. Play on Domination and it is simply a game of who can fire a grenade launcher at the objective before the other. Fun can be had from leaping down the missile shafts en mass, however. It’s about the only piece of enjoyment one can hope to get from this map.
12 – CRISIS (BLACK OPS)
Out of all of the games to date, Black Ops is likely to have the most varied bunch of maps. Varied in the sense that for every map that’s great, there’s one lurking about that is nothing short of horrible. Crisis is too big, with too many spots to sit down and hide in and has yet another house that is the epicenter of almost all of the action, leaving the other areas devoid of much but unattractive scenery. The upside to having all of the enemies congregate in this one house is that grenades and noob tubes can clear them out with ease, but of course with Black Ops’ bizarre hit detection, keeping them out of there is another task. Still, a map that insists on being so large and then having those areas empty for most of the time is not my idea of a good map.
11 – NIGHTFIRE (WORLD AT WAR)
It’s difficult to even start with Nightfire as there aren’t many words for ‘a festering turd’ that one can read before getting tired. Let’s put it this way: this map has nothing there of any value to anybody that doesn’t want to hide in a dark corner or snipe across the two buildings. The thing that attracted me the most to this map, at initial release, was the fact it was set at night. It came to be that even with that setting, it still sucked horribly. It’s basically two ‘bases’ at either side and you have to work to weed out the campers waiting around either one, before reversing and doing the same thing at the other side ad infinitum. The night-time setting is good, but not here it isn’t.
10 – BOG (CALL OF DUTY 4)
Ah, Bog. I can either start by saying that this map is basically snipers only or I can start with saying that this map looks, and feels, like absolute crap. Both ring true. Almost every match I’ve played on this piece of trash has involved getting sniped the minute I emerge from behind cover. You through smoke down and like bees escaping a bombing, they leave their hidey-holes and start sniping me from another spot. I’m not the best player at sniping so resorting to using the same tactic is as likely to get me killed as running through the battlefield wearing a bright green luminescent vest with a bullseye painted on the front. Due to the fact that Bog is snipers-only, it doesn’t have the tendency to impress.
9 – LIBERATION (MODERN WARFARE 3)
Modern Warfare 3 already has a wide selection of crappy maps so Infinity Ward felt the obvious need to inflict more upon us and me being one of ‘those’ people, bought the map pack collection featuring the above. I feel robbed. Liberation is truly horrible in every sense of the word. It’s far too big, looks the same throughout and it’s very easy to spend 50% of an entire match wandering around looking for any sign of life. Play this on free-for-all and all 8 players may as well be bird watching for the amount of action you’ll experience. If you’re heading into a match on this map, you’d better make sure you’ve got some coffee beside you to counteract the sleep-inducing boredom. You could try sniping but the area isn’t as wide open as to permit this so you’ll need to move around frequently, which usually results in a death via bush dweller. Believe me, I’ve tried (yes, I tried sniping in my desperation).
(By the way, the below picture is in no way indicative of this map. You don’t get so many people congregating in the same area that often).
8 – SEELOW (WORLD AT WAR)
Too big? Check. Bland and devoid of any color but brown and black? Check. Tanks dominating the field? Check. Sniping? Check. Seelow has everything I don’t want in a map, with the added irritant of a vehicle slaughtering me as I move from death-spot to death-spot. The bridge in the centre of the map is the focal point for the action, and it’s either take that and snipe for the rest of the match or die trying. The map isn’t *so* bad at games such as Domination but otherwise, it’s large and frustratingly tiresome. Chopping the map in half would’ve brought the action into a more confined area, eliminating the need to practice your cross-country running as well as gunning down soldiers. In anything other than objective modes, Seelow sucks big time.
7 – FALLEN (MODERN WARFARE 3)
If there was ever a map more suited to people who like to hide in one spot for the duration, it would be Fallen. There’s two nice buildings on the map with entrances easily guarded with claymores, a bushy area to the side where claymores can be disguised and…need I go on? If you’re somebody who likes to run around and hunt their prey, you’re going to be the prey this time around. It’s almost impossible to succeed without camping on this map as there are far too many opportunities for such and naturally the Call of Duty community are powerless to avoid this temptation. I’d like to say that objective modes play well here but seeing as you’re still likely to get sniped from every window you pass, I am unable to say so.
6 – SILO (BLACK OPS)
Black Ops had three map packs in its life and somehow, they still managed to inflict garbage such as this on us. Is there anything even remotely good about Silo? If there is, please enlighten me as this is a question I’ve been asking myself for quite some time. Once again, the map is too big with plenty of spots to start cooking marshmallows in and even a giant tower in the corner that cannot be accessed by anything other than an easily-camped ladder. Granted, a well-fired noob tube can displace any vermin habituating up there but even still, the rodents will scurry away to another spot – usually the main building in the centre. There are only so many times you can play the role of exterminator before you have to call it a day.
5 – QUARRY (MODERN WARFARE 2)
As we move into the top five shittiest maps of all Call of Duty history, placing Quarry in this tier is not a choice made difficult. This map lends itself to absolutely nothing beyond sniping and noob tubing. Grenade launchers can (and in my experience, always do) dominate the playing field and any chopper in the sky can easily slaughter you before you can even remember where you area. If the fact that it doesn’t play well on any mode wasn’t enough, the fact it looks severely unpleasing to the eye should set it in stone that Quarry really isn’t worth playing…ever.
4 – INTERCHANGE (MODERN WARFARE 3)
Ah yes, here we are at my personal favorite, Interchange! It’s not my favourite because of its splendid environment, or its good design for all game-modes. No, it’s my favourite because of how shockingly crap it plays. I’m not just talking about once every so often, I mean every match. Snipers dominate, there’s no secret to that, so if you don’t like that (which is me, can’t you tell?) then you’re sorely out of luck with this one. But good luck trying to dodge quickscoped bullets around every corner.
3 – ZOO (BLACK OPS)
There has never been a time when Zoo has come up in rotation that I haven’t groaned loudly and obtrusively. Zoo looks like acid to the eyes, with no variation in color besides murky browns, and it’s one giant tent-fest. Also, it’s far too big for my liking, doesn’t play well and I’d rather stick sewing needles up my urethra than play another match on this map. They called this map Zoo but I can’t see any animals living there that didn’t collectively bash their heads against a wall in frustration at the design. Won’t anybody think of the animals?!
2 – FUEL (MODERN WARFARE 2)
If it wasn’t for one other, placing this at the top of this list would’ve been extremely easy. Fuel is not only the biggest map in Call of Duty history but also the most frustrating (besides the number 1 map, obviously). Entire portions of the map can sometimes go without a single bout of action because of the size. Even on larger game modes, it’s far too big. In fact, the map almost lends itself to a Battlefield game, with larger player counts and vehicles to command. On free-for-all, you can just forget it. Also, remember that rock glitch at the back? Yeah, that one. Just try to forget this abysmal creation ever existed.
(Did they ever fix that glitch, by the way?)
1 – WASTELAND (MODERN WARFARE 2)
Here we are, at the worst map in Call of Duty history and it’s only right that the award goes to Wasteland. I have never played on a map that has given me so much grief and misery before. There is categorically NOTHING good about this map. It’s basically an empty field with a small tunneled area in the middle, which you can barely even walk in because of the snipers and noob-tubers keeping guard over it. The worst part is when somebody gets a killstreak in the sky and it starts to decimate you before you can even pull your stinger missile launcher up. Wasteland has got to be the worst creation in CoD. If you can tell me one good thing about this map that I can agree with, you get an unlimited supply of internet points. Good luck.
Well, that wraps that list up for today. As I said at the beginning, I would love to hear whether you agree or disagree with any of the choices I made, as well as your own opinions. To counteract the lingering smell left behind by these maps, I shall have a list of the best Call of Duty maps posted sometime this week for you to pour over (hopefully). For now though, try to make a habit of avoiding subjecting yourself to the pain and misery of these creations. It’s for your own good.